I have long suffered from decision paralysis when I am left to my own devices. If I am not currently intensely focused on finishing a project like TrackStacks, solo free days when Megan is at work or off with friends can often turn into a stressful, mind-spinning free fall of indecision.

I’m pretty sure I know one reason for this. I simply don’t have clear goals that I’m working towards. What is the One Thing you can do today to help achieve your goal…is hard to answer since I don’t have the goals figured out. I’ve half-heartedly tried to listen or read about this type of thing, but have never succeeded in mapping it out.

I’ve never considered myself as someone that was always trying to stay busy or needing to achieve the next thing. I always thought I was pretty chill and would be content doing basically nothing at all. But I have discovered that my mind actually isn’t on board with that theory.

This feeling doesn’t happen on vacation or any time I am staying outside of the comforts of home. On vacation, you aren’t just going to stay in the rental and do nothing. You can do that at home without paying for another place to stay. We are much more likely to go out for coffee every day or to a brewery three days in a row when on vacation.

I suppose the reason is two-fold. First, it is generally not in the budget to be spending on coffee and beer every single day. Although, we should dig into our spending at a later date. Secondly, vacation fun often means you are increasing caloric intake via food and drink that my body might not be able to handle as well as it used to. Those are my simple quick out of the house go to activities, especially when the weather is not in my narrow comfort window. Pickleball used to be my go-to, but my shoulder won’t let me play any more. Writing or blogging is something that quenches my feeling of accomplishing something, but it runs the risk of extended periods of dormant couch sitting that leads to a physical unwell after a few hours.

I came to the realization that I can only consume media or content for myself once my internal “productivity quota” has been met during a day. For example, on my rare days that I work, I can listen to books or a podcast without feeling the need to extract value or everything out of the act of listening to them since I have “been productive” being at work.

The trick that I have come up with is assigning myself a 2-hour window of work after coffee. For example, from 10 to noon, I assigned myself the task of roasting veggies. That’s all it took for me to check something off the to-do list, contribute to the household, and feel a sense of something accomplished allowing me to sit down and write this blog post.

So, that’s it. Just pick a task that contributes to one or more of your life buckets (another future topic I want to look at), give yourself a mental high five, and enjoy your day. Hopefully, with time I won’t have to manipulate myself to relax. Yes, I think about restarting that meditation practice daily.

I have not entirely ruled out ADHD playing a small or major role, but based on a small sample size, this has helped me in granting myself permission to consume things for myself and enjoy the free time. While I still need to cap the driftless free time and work on getting myself out of the house more often, it is a start.

It has been a year of being very part time and these feelings are not always present, but they still swirl around especially when I’m deciding how to fill my day entirely on my own. I know this is all just a reframing, but it works for me.