The Drunken Journal may be nearing extinction.
It’s rare to reach the proper state required for a proper drunken journal these days. I suppose I should explain what I’m talking about before I elaborate.
It all started with the first time I ever drank alcohol visiting my friend down in Bloomington, Indiana as a senior in high school. I think I was very worried about not remembering what happened that night due to drinking. So I found a pen and paper and began recording bits and pieces of what was happening and what was being said. Through 9 years of college, this resulted in a small tote of mini notebooks and random scraps of drunken journals.
Regrettably, most of it is jibberish and not profound insight that I might have hoped for. Some of it is fun to revisit and certain people provided quite a bit of entertaining quotes. It will likely not result in the highly anticipated Phillips Philosophy and Drunken Journals. I guess there is still time.
I eventually titled each journal entry with a state of mind abbreviation with a pound sign and the date. For example, DJ #062026
Abbreviation Key
DJ = Drunken Journal
SJ = Sober Journal
SDJ = Sober, approaching drunken journal
GJ = Gummy Journal (a more recent categorization)
Drinking Problem
The problem has been my drinking has declined to a low that hasn’t been seen since the 1900s and that may not be an exaggeration. I am in a really annoying place with drinking. I can’t stop, I mean I guess I could if I had to…but I don’t want to and it would be challenging and I’d have to reprogram my brain in ways that don’t seem worth it, fun or feasible.
It’s like this annoying thing where I want to drink, but I know it is not good for me and is slightly counter productive to living a healthy life. So I will limit myself to a max of 3 beers in an a casual drinking evening. Exceptions will be made for concerts or other gatherings, but generally at home, 3 is the max once per week.
There are some nights where I may want a beer, but I won’t let myself have one. I guess to prove that I don’t need it or something? But then it will sort of put me in a bad mood which is probably worse than just having one. It’s hard to explain. I would almost prefer to not know the ill effects possible with alcohol consumption which sounds ridiculous when I type it out. But it feels like the mental battle with having one drink is more detrimental mentally than the cancer in my future. It’s only a matter of time. I’ve been waiting on cancer for years. It is the title of my 2nd book I never wrote. Waiting On Cancer: Living Life Before Death Arrives
I don’t know that I have ever overcome the default mindset ingrained in the college years that the weekend will be full of drinks. It is my default something I am looking forward to which is the key to avoiding depression. The anticipation of the depressant helps avoid depression? The actual depressant effect of alcohol has never been an issue for me, since I have a somewhat perverse enjoyment of the sadness.
Melancholy: A poetic, gentle state of sadness that often feels strangely comforting or beautiful.
A true benefit of working 2nd shift was not even having the option to drink most nights once I got over ever considering post-work drinks due to be doing just too late to enjoy and still go to bed at a reasonable hour.
Welp, the third beer is gone so I guess it’s time for bed.
See what I mean?